The Logistics of ‘Singing Blade’ Syndrome
by Minka
Summary: The logistics behind that which is known as the ‘Singing Blade’. A short, humorous thesis on the common concept that blades do in fact ‘sing’ as they pass through the air. Many thanks to Yunadax for her input and the use of some of her ramblings


Dedicated to She O Ye of Great Yunadaxness, without whom this concept never would have come about (likewise with the mind-strain) and who so kindly allowed me to tamper with her words...  
  
*****  
  
Ok, this was written as a bit of a challenge from Yunadax - to send up the concept of blades 'singing'. But instead of writing a story, I decided to write an essay or newspaper article. Please keep in mind that it is all for fun and that I have, on numerous occasions, written a piece where I have claimed that the sword or knife sung. ;) Also, nothing that I say really makes sense, but it LOOKS good! Lol  
  
*****  
  
The logistics behind that which is known as the 'Singing Blade'  
  
By Minka  
  
It is an established and verified fact that authors will do anything and everything within their power to be the architect of a winning story; they will embezzle other people's characters, duplicate universes and mass produce a vast array of perfect dialogue that could never be developed within the split moment that one has to respond to a question.  
  
Keeping in mind that all the aforesaid things are indeed horrible to behold, none of the examples of those which are known to be several of the most horrendous acts of penned thievery is the reason that enticed me into the confirmation of this. My current objective is to bring to your awareness to perhaps one of the most disturbing and incorrect descriptions that exists within the written world today.  
  
The rather farfetched conception that swords and knifes actually 'sing'.  
  
No, this is not in fact a laughing matter as it does primarily appear to be, and justly so. But who, may I ask, can laugh about such an extensively used misconception that is currently in mass circulation throughout internet published anecdotes, each and every one telling the world of a fantastical event that does not occur.  
  
"Swords do not sing," claimed one respectable source who also happens to be a training swordswoman, "swords clang... arc... strike...block... parry... but [they] do NOT SING!"  
  
So then, just where did this common misunderstanding first originate? For the purpose of this demonstration, I shall call upon that which has sprouted an ever growing tree of Fan-Fiction, situated well within the category that offers such offence in its descriptions of the actual ruthlessness of a battle.  
  
JRR Tolkien is known and recognized to be what one could deem the father to the world of fantasy for adults. His breakthrough trilogy, 'The Lord of the Rings' is one of the most extensively read books ever to be published, and, to quote the Sunday Times, "The English speaking language is divided into those who have read The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit and those who are going to read them." Keeping in mind the fact that the ever successful books have only recently been turned into three full length motions pictures (starring Elijah Wood, Viggo Mortensen and Hollywood's newest 'Hottest Property' Orlando Bloom) it is no wonder that there is such a vast expanse of fan worship.  
  
Movie and celebrity veneration aside, it is within the worn pages of the well-loved books that we shall find the answer to the question that we are so desperately trying to uncover. Why does the world seem so willing to except the absurd and erroneous notion that weapons have the ability to 'sing'?  
  
"Through the throat of one huge leader Aragorn passed his sword with a  
thrust; with a great sweep Boromir hewed the head off another. Beside  
them Gimli stood with his stout legs apart, wielding his dwarf-axe.  
The bow of Legolas was singing."  
The Fellowship of the Ring, 'A journey in  
the Dark'  
  
Granted that the aforementioned example was vis-à-vis a bow, is it not believable that, for the first time reader and one who is not learned in the ways of weapons training, that they could bridge the tiny gap which so undoubtedly exists? The bow in question was an Elven bow, and as all are aware of, the Elves are said to be magical creatures, so is it not plausible that one could think that all Elven weapons do in truth have a voice of their own?  
  
Once that conclusion has been reached, it is but a mere baby step, or a slip of the memory, before common, everyday weapons start to have referenced made about their 'voice' or the way in which they sing, after all, it has been done before.  
  
Take the book "Knight School", written by Roy Pond for instance. This books entire concept is based upon the adventures of a teenage boy following his discovery of a sword in his parents second hand shop; a sword that just happens to actually have a voice of its own. Now while this does in fact have its palpable differences with the type of 'voice' indicated before (being that the sword was in fact the housing of a trapped maiden) it is still not as far from the point as you may believe.  
  
In modern terms, a 'voice' does not need to consist of spoken words. Is it not true that when you vote in an election or participate in a survey or censes, that you are in fact 'voicing your opinion' on a certain topic. Now I do not believe that I need to point out the fact that one does not attend a political function and openly speak your opinion. You record it on a slip of paper so you are in reality, writing your 'voice'.  
  
Such a thing is the perfect element of substantiation that is needed to ascertain that there may not be all that much dissimilarity in a blade 'singing' as it cuts through the air, as a blade that actually 'sings'.  
  
Now, though I have conspicuously digressed from the original point, it was all in hopes of better demonstrating the many aspects of that which I am seeking to prove; it does not matter in what context the sword 'sings' it is still essentially iniquitous to allege such a hypothesis.  
  
The entire situation is akin to, and works on the same basis as the 'Domino Theory'. As you can see, just from the one mentioned piece of written material which harbors this idea of 'singing weapons', an entire network of stories and theory's have been birthed, thus helping to supply humble and naive readers with wrong and inaccurate information. If this keeps up, it will not be long before our FanFiction pages are cluttered with such drivel as that which follows...  
  
The sword of Elladan parried the Orc's blow, screaming 'YOU BASTARD'  
as it connected with the metal of the fell beings blade. The crude  
make of the Orcish blade nicked and pitted the Elven blade, causing it  
you yelp in pain and go 'ouch'!  
Withdrawing his blade quickly, listening to it whimper and beg not to  
meet the other blade again, Elladan chose to put away his pouncie  
sword and change to his daggers, which were hidden in his boots, just  
like every other Elf keeps daggers in their boots.  
The dagger breathed a sigh of relief as fresh air once again kissed  
its metal, casting away the horrible reek that was the Elf's boot  
The dagger, now happy that it no longer reeked of Elladan's foot  
sweat, smiled and looked with glee towards the Orc. Too long had it  
been confined in the smelly boot and it was eager to taste Orc flesh  
once again  
"AHA, FRESH AIR AT LAST!" The dagger yelled as it was brandished  
defensively in front of the Elf's body. Slow arcs were carved into the  
air and the blade couldn't be happier.  
The Orc swung its blade downwards again, hoping to cleave the Elf in  
two from his head to his feet. The dagger arced upwards, meeting the  
black sword halfway and forcing it to the side. "YIPPEE!" The dagger  
yelled as the dark weapon was forced harmlessly past Elladan's left  
side  
"GO ME!" The dagger grinned as it was bought once again into a  
defensive posture. By this time the Orcish blade was getting REALLY  
pissed off and starting singing Bardot tunes, making the Elven weapon  
cringe and once again wish for the muted smelliness of Elladan's boot  
The dagger cringed as the Orcish weapon sang the vile tune, the other  
Orcen blade joining in the harmony and bopping along with the tune.  
The dagger wished to cover its ears, if it even had them to block out  
the horrible noise, and was made content by slicing through the artery  
of a nearby Orc.  
"EWWWWWWWW," it screeched as it was coated in dark blood, and wished  
for Elladan to clean it on something... ANYTHING. There was only one  
thing worse than Elladan's boot... and that was Orc-blade singing...  
okay...and another thing... being coated in icky poo-y blood. The  
blade promised itself to make a pact with its owner regarding  
Occupational Health and Safety laws; it HAD to demand!  
  
(No swords were harmed in the making of this example. Full  
compensation was paid to the poor dagger that had to spend  
half its time in Elladan's boot.)  
  
As you just saw, it is not all that hard for a writer to contrive such a story, which is as politically incorrect as it is descriptively.  
  
So Swords Sing! Indeed the idea sounds preposterous, but the hard and honest truth of the matter is that there are those out there that believe that such destructive weapons do in fact possess that uncanny ability. In all seriousness, if this is allowed to continue, who shall know where it will conclude? Today swords may be singing, tomorrow guns may be shouting. Who can genuinely know?  
  
Minka  
  
Many thanks to Yunadax for the Elladan story! 


End file.
